Claire » Religion

Hell

clairefishwish — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 19:45:04 +0000

This time last week it was my 19th birthday and since then I’ve lost the love of my life, destroyed my family’s beliefs in me, realised I can’t trust anyone, seen a real life OD happen to someone I know, watched Kian’s face as he realised something he’d been letting eat him alive for years was exposed and he’s probably going to go to prison. Am I being tested here. Is God showing me hell so that I’ll remember what heaven is? Maybe all this partying and late nights and drink and drugs…maybe it is a kind of hell. The bible hardly says ‘thou shalt go on one long party all summer’ does it? Oh Lord, what have I put myself into?

But I must stay strong and I must find out who is behind all this. Someone is going out of their way to slowly torture and destroy us. I need to know who and I need to know why.

Finding out who Hampton is

clairefishwish — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 22:41:36 +0000

We got a message. From David Hampton. It just says if we want to know who he is and why he has done this to us, to meet him on a pier in Dorset on Tuesday evening, the 15th. I am absolutely petrified.

What if he has a gun or something and tries to kill us all? He definetly hates us enough. If we’re on a boat there’ll be nobody to hear us scream. I need to talk to the producers and make sure thay have some kind of emergency strategy – or the police waiting nearby. I can’t stand this. I can’t stand it. Jonathon please I need you so much right now.

This will be it. Oh Lord my saviour, walk with me in this valley of fear. Shine a light in this blackness and guide us to your goodness. Amen.

Scarred

clairefishwish — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 22:06:58 +0000

Emma has finally been struck a blow but it’s different to everyone else… Jude spilled something boiling on her face and now she has really big ugly scarring across half her beautiful face! Someone as image-obsessed as her is obviously gutted and I feel awful for her. Was it an accident? I don’t even know. I don’t trust anyone anymore. Every single person has been suspected now.

Turns out Jude is also homosexual, which totally shocked me. Maybe it explains why he overcompensated being a real ‘lad’. He has a lot of self-hate over the issue and continues to deny it – but Hampton posted pictures of him being very intimate with another man – it’s just not worth denying it Jude.

I have to admit to finding it a bit difficult though, as the bible so clearly states that same-sex relationships are wrong. I wrestle with this because in my heart I feel that love is love and that if two people are happy together, it shouldn’t matter what sex they are. I will pray on this. Actually, I’m praying more than ever now because I really believe I am in a hell-on-earth situation, and need the guidance of the Lord more than ever now.

But no one seems to care about me. Or what I’ve lost. Tete can get off the drugs, Emma can get plastic surgery and Jude will be fine. But I’m never getting back what I’ve lost. Not ever.

Oh. Emma has ‘casually’ dropped that I’m DH several times now, I don’t think she honestly could believe that but she certainly enjoys the emotional blackmail element of it. She’s raging about the place in the background as I write this, making a big scene about her poor face, absolutely no dignity for the situation. I bet it doesn’t even leave a scar. Whereas my heart is broken forever

All that’s left to do is stew in this awful bus, hating each other; hating ourselves.

I’ve been neglecting my bible too much

clairefishwish — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 09:48:35 +0000

Pro 27:6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Not fair.

clairefishwish — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 12:29:36 +0000

I’m getting seriously FED UP with people now. I’ve been pretty good about up till now, you know, it’s all been in good fun, but I’m sick of having to put up with this kind of treatment. I’m just some kind of big funny joke or something, calling me God Squad and all that. Is it really so strange to have beliefs? To have a religion? It’s not like I preach or evangelise to them, I keep it to myself! And I still get this treatment.
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