Claire » Kian

Hell

clairefishwish — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 19:45:04 +0000

This time last week it was my 19th birthday and since then I’ve lost the love of my life, destroyed my family’s beliefs in me, realised I can’t trust anyone, seen a real life OD happen to someone I know, watched Kian’s face as he realised something he’d been letting eat him alive for years was exposed and he’s probably going to go to prison. Am I being tested here. Is God showing me hell so that I’ll remember what heaven is? Maybe all this partying and late nights and drink and drugs…maybe it is a kind of hell. The bible hardly says ‘thou shalt go on one long party all summer’ does it? Oh Lord, what have I put myself into?

But I must stay strong and I must find out who is behind all this. Someone is going out of their way to slowly torture and destroy us. I need to know who and I need to know why.

Poor Kian

clairefishwish — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 11:24:53 +0000

Well something finally happened and oh gosh it’s a big one. Bloody David Hampton again. Kian’s gotten it this time. His ‘mix cd’ that was fleabayed finally got back, he puts it on and it’s a recording of him confessing to Dieter a while ago that he hit a kid with his car while drink-driving and drove off in a panic.

He might well have killed him! He doesn’t know of course. Anyway we’ve all found out now and it’s just awful. I can’t even look him in the eye anymore knowing what he’s done.

It’s a horrible thing to have happened to him, and a horrible thing in general, and the most horrible is probably stupid Hampton and nowgetbacktoreality going to CONSIDERABLE lengths to make sure we all know and Kian’s life falls apart.

Is it crazy?

clairefishwish — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 09:18:31 +0000

Okay, this might sound absolutely crazy but, is there any chance do you think that someone on the bus might be behind it? I don’t know. Everyone here seems to hate my guts, Dieter’s been pretty bloody blasé about the whole thing, and Tete is just being Little Miss Tragedy, everyone is so sympathetic to her about Billy and her ‘withdrawl’ from the drugs, no one seems to notice my broken heart. I’m sorry, but when it comes to drugs – everyone knows the dangers. You make your bed… Jude is just sulking and Kian is sitting around all day staring out the window. I don’t know.

People are capable of more than you think, I guess.

Notting Hill carnival

clairefishwish — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 13:12:40 +0000

Kian has been filling me in on the Notting Hill Carnival, so I’m very excited, but at the same time I can’t get reports like this out of my mind.

….after dark when gang of around 40 young men started throwing missiles at police officers around Ladbroke Grove. Scotland Yard said that at least one officer was injured after being hit in the face with a bottle before officers in riot gear were sent in to disperse the group….

(from this Times article)

I hope it all goes well, apparently the colours are dazzling and the music is insane and loud, the whole streets just turns into one big playground, so fingers crossed. It’s nice Kian is talking to me, everyone else is way too busy with their own stuff to clue me in as to what to expect. I hope nothing scary happens on the day though.

DJ Yoda

clairefishwish — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 13:02:39 +0000

Haha, just realised DJ Yoda is playing! If Kian meets him again I bet he’ll go even more mental. This is what happened last time.

Croatia!!!!

clairefishwish — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 21:33:14 +0000

Aaaarrrggggh guess what!! After all my panic and sitting in the bus all the way back to London with a massive knot in my stomach, convinced that we had blown it and they were going to expel us from the show…they come back and tell us that we’re off to CROATIA for the next festival! Wow! I love you producers xxx!!! I’m sorry I ran away and I promise to never, ever to do it again! I’ll do every task you give me with a big smile !!!

I can’t believe it, that’s two holidays abroad in one month after Spain! It’s mental.

Really SO excited. It’s one of the Garden Zadar festivals and the lineup is a lot like Global Gathering I think. Hopefully it won’t be as much of a shock to my system this time around, and I can dance around with everyone free of the silly drama from before. Plus it’s a new foreign country, it’s going to be the furtherst I’ve ever been from home and a different culture and everything so I really can’t wait. We’re off to the airport tomorrow.

And once again – I’m so so sorry we stormed off now, and am feeling seriously guilty now after the group basically told them we didn’t care anymore. Kian, Jude, Dieter and Emma reached an agreement with them – I sort of kept out of negotiations like before, wasn’t really too involved, it’s not my strength! (Tete’s off with Billy again). But they’ve put up with us being really stroppy so I’m so so sorry and I do care :/

DIY in Wales

clairefishwish — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 07:41:33 +0000

So we’ll be filming ourselves from here on out… watch this space. We have no tasks, no requirements…it’s completely weird and to be honest it feels oddly directionless! Kian said to them that the only contract obligation was that we need to be filmed by anyone but I have to say, I’m scared the production team will be really angry with us when we go back.

Oh wow, really serious stuff

clairefishwish — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 09:30:25 +0000

Some truly serious stuff is going down here! Listen to this: Kian just told the production team to take a hike, so to speak, as the group reckon they’re behind all these nasty ‘leaks’ to that blog. So he says now we’re going to be in charge of the cameras and stuff and film everything, ourselves! Argh, I hope we don’t get in like masses of trouble. I wouldn’t want to annoy anyone.

I’m incredibly shocked though that the production team might be behind all these leaks and nastiness! After we trusted them with everything, I mean, they’ve been with us day and night for the past month or so. Makes you wonder what else might be about to be leaked. Ugh.

Settling in

clairefishwish — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 09:09:48 +0000

I just can’t put this excitement I feel into words – I’m totally exhausted but I don’t want to stop! It’s hard for me to sleep at night right now, I miss my Jonathon so much it hurts and not being able to see him right now is driving me crazy.

I’m keeping very busy though which helps. Sort of getting to know people on the bus, so far Dieter seems to be really funny. He’s German and really into his ethnic music and seems very spiritual which is always cool! Kian seems really on the ball, looking forward to getting to know him better in the coming weeks. Jude is also a nice guy, but seems to have sex on the brain and seems to think I want to hear about it all the time – which I don’t! Maybe I’m just being boring!

Tete dresses and looks like a super model, really cool like Kate Moss or something. Her Dad (who died when she was a teenager – poor Tete) was like some kind of rock star so she has this insane glamourous past, very interesting girl! And Emma is really lovely too, although I worry a little bit about her outfits, I don’t know if it’s suitable to walk around in this searing heat with so much skin on show! I wonder if the amount of fake tan she has on offers any protection against the sun?